My Jacob
by Sirius Leigh
Summary: Jacob was my own sun, and I love him. But I loved Edward so much more...but I don't deserve him. I promised Jacob I wouldn't hurt him, but I am. There's only one solution. What will it be? One-shot.


_I leaned in and kissed his face softly. "Love you, Jacob."_

_He laughed lightly . "Love you more."_

_He watched me walk out of his room with an unfathomable expression in his eyes._

_Chapter 26, Ethics. Page 604. Eclipse._

It started to rain just as I walked to my car door. I grimaced, great, just what I needed. I drove home in a blur, hoping Charlie would be asleep. Just my luck. He wasn't.

Charlie looked up toward me. "You have fun with Jacob, Bells?"

I didn't stop, I just called back over my shoulder, "Yeah, I'm just going to go ahead to bed." Without waiting for a reply I continued my way up the stairs to my room, where Edward was waiting for me.

I smiled wearily as he greeted me and looked at my red-rimmed eyes. Just as the tears spilled over again he pulled me into a tight embrace. "Bella, it's all going to work out don't worry about it, just get some sleep." Edward whispered into my hair as he picked me up and tucked me into my bed.

I was exhausted but sleep didn't come, every time I closed my eyes I saw Jacob.

When we first met, my horrible attempt at flirting to get the answers I so badly wanted. Jacob, my only friend when Edward had left. Jacob, growing so fast you could see the difference every day. Jacob, my personal sun. Jacob, my best friend. Jacob, my werewolf protector. Jacob, my Jacob. Charlie telling me Jacob was having a hard time, he was depressed. Jacob, the glorious way his lips felt on mine this afternoon. The way I thought I'd never see him again. Jacob saying he loved me. Just minutes ago, he said we could be friends, if that's what I wanted. Jacob, Jacob, Jacob. The pain in his eyes as he said he'd still fight for me, even though he knew there wasn't a chance.

Or was there.

I had promised I wouldn't hurt Jacob. But I _was_ hurting him. There wasn't a way possible to not hurt him. He meant so much to me, this part was becoming clearer with every second. He meant so much more to me than he should, I had Edward after all.

The thought of Edward shocked me out of my daze. I jerked out of his arms and rolled away. I could hear the confusion in his voice as he whispered "Bella? What's wrong".

I couldn't look at him. For, as much as I still loved him, I couldn't bear to see him in pain too.

It seemed fair. Jacob's happiness for my own pain. He meant so much to me, as long as I could make up for the pain. I was hurting him just like Edward hurt me. I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. The thought of Jacob, my sun, hurting like that was unbearable.

"Edward, today you said you would be whatever I wanted you to be?"

A slow, "Yes" answered my question, confusion still laced in his voice, along with the uncertainty the questioned brought. "And I meant it. Whatever."

I grimaced, this would hurt Edward too. But, unlike Jacob he had as many lifetimes as he could want. He would find someone else. Someone prettier. Smarter. Someone better for him than me. All I did was cause him and the Cullens pain. But it had to be done.

"Edward, if I wanted you to be my friend, could you?" I asked. I felt him get off the bed.

His voice stiff and apathetic. "In a few years maybe-" he stopped himself. "Yes, I can be that if it's what you truly want."

I looked at him, I wished I hadn't. But the look of utter hopelessness rendered me unable to look away. "Edward. It is. It's what I want."

Edward was at the window before I noticed he'd even moved. "I think it's best if we leave for a while. We'll be gone before morning." And with that my decision was made. I would live for Jacob. To make him happy. With that sleep finally pulled me under. The drapes blowing in the nighttime breeze.

0ooo0oooOooo0ooo0oooOooo0ooo0oooOooo0ooo0oooOooo0ooo0oooOooo0ooo0oooO

The unfiltered sunlight hit Bella's face, pulling her from her rest. As consciousness filled her, she remembered what she had done last night. She had chosen Jacob, and The Cullen's had probably skipped town by now.

The pain of losing Edward made her knees tremble but she knew why she had done it. Jacob, my Jacob.

I rushed through my morning routine. Shower, hair, teeth, clothes, food, simple but it covered all the necessary necessities. As soon as Bella saw Charlie out the door, she ran to her old Chevy and revved the engine. Two thoughts on her mind, she had to see if the Cullen's already left, if they hadn't she wanted to tell them all how much she loved them and why she was doing this, but the house was empty and desolate by the time she reached it.

So, slightly miffed she backed out of the long driveway, and continued down to La Push. Driving down the roads of Forks she couldn't help but think that her first assumption of Forks was still valid- an alien planet, and far to green. The thought was pushed from my mind as I pulled up in front of the Blacks house. I hesitantly opened the car door, and walked up to the house. I knocked once, and pushed open the door. Billy was watching some sports game, he briefly looked up before saying "Jacob's in his room."

I walked through the familiar house, and at reaching his door I stopped. I didn't know what to say, but I knew Jacob would already hear me outside so I stepped in. He was asleep. His brow was furrowed and he was muttering.

I walked over and sat on the bed -on his good side- and laid my hand on his arm. He woke up with a start. His eyes widened when he saw me.

"Bella-."

"Jacob-." We started at the same time but I kept talking. "Jake, last night I had a lot to think about. And I made a decision, I told Edward to leave, that I wanted to be with you." It wasn't what really happened but it would make Jake happier, and that's what I wanted. Even as I said the words the tears welled up in my eyes, I wanted Edward. I wanted him so bad. But I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve anyone. But Jacob needed me and that was the least I could do for him.

Jacob mistook the tears in my eyes for tears of happiness. He pulled me close and held me whispering sweet nothings in my ear, but all I could think of was Edward. Finally the tears subsided. I hoped Jacob wouldn't ask for anymore on my decision, and thankfully he didn't.

He accepted me like nothing had ever come between us. Like I had never known Edward, like we had been together since that night on the beach.

I saw the happiness in his eyes and thought that maybe I could get over Edward, that maybe I could learn to love Jacob like he loved me.

After all it was the least I could do.

**A/N Loved it, hated it? Leave a review. **


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